Microwaves
by Vietta
Summary: A series of stories involving mishaps with microwaves.


Smoke billowed out of the apartment, every fire alarm on the floor was going off, and Tseng was horrified by the stench occupying the disaster area. It was a wretched, horrid odor the likes of which he had never before smelled.

He broke down Reno's door, coughing as he inhaled the putrid smoke. There was no visible fire, no flames licking at the walls or crawling on the floor, but a spot of red was easily seen in the middle of the room; a sopping wet red mess that was standing on a chair and desperately trying to deactivate the fire alarm on the ceiling. A towel was knotted around Reno's slim waist and it threatened to drop at any moment as the man prodded the button on the alarm like it was his only option.

Tseng quickly ran to the windows and threw them open, sticking his head outside in a vain attempt to get at fresh air. The attempt was foiled as smoke poured out of the window like black poison. It would probably have killed a bird had one been stupid enough to pass by at that moment.

"What did you do, Reno?" Tseng yelled to be heard over the alarms blaring through the apartment, searching for the source of the pollution.

"I don't know!" Reno gave up on the fire alarm, joining Tseng in the search for whatever was burning in his home. "I was takin' a shower with Trevor when shit suddenly went to hell!"

Trevor, the iguana being referenced here, slunk onto the couch and laid there. He didn't seem to mind that the apartment was in chaos; the critter was likely used to stranger occurrences than this.

Tseng pitied Trevor.

"Did you leave the oven on?" Tseng coughed, shirt pulled over his face. It did little to ease his breathing but he didn't abandon the attempt to filter his air just yet. It was a futile endeavor as smoke was pouring out of the window like black poison into the air. The thick cloud would probably have killed a bird had one been stupid enough to fly past the window.

"What did you do, Reno?" Tseng searched the apartment for the source of the pollution, struggling to see through the dark fog.

"I don't know!" Reno gave up on the smoke alarm, unable to convince it that the apartment was not burning down, and joined Tseng in the hunt for whatever was surely burning in the home. "I was takin' a shower with Trevor when shit suddenly hit the fan!"

Trevor, the iguana being referenced, slunk onto the couch and lay there. He didn't seem to mind that the apartment was in utter chaos; the critter was likely used to stranger occurances than this.

Tseng pittied Trevor.

"Did you leave the oven on?" Tseng coughed, holding his shirt over his nose as he drew closer to the oven, the assumed source of the misery.

"No, I was usin' the microwave though." Reno went to the kitchen, following Tseng closely.

"If you put metal in here again I swear-"

"I didn't put metal in it!" Reno frowned, arms crossed over his chest. Unlike Tseng, years of smoking had rendered the redheads' lungs immune to the cloying smoke snuffing out the air in the room.

"Well, what the fuck did you do then?" Tseng opened the microwave that was still attempting to cook whatever Reno had put in it.

They peered inside together, the sight of a curling paper plate covered in small bricks of what appeared to be charcoal barely visible through the smoke.

"It was still cookin'?" Reno scratched his head. "Coulda sworn I only set it for a minute."

"More like ten minutes!" Tseng frowned and pulled a plate from the cupboard above the microwave, sliding the mess onto it and removing it for inspection. "What was this?"

"Chicken nuggets. I think they're done now." Reno reached a hand out to grab one of the charred pieces of meat on the plate only to have Tseng slap his fingers away. "ouch!" He frowned, cradling his hand to his chest. "The fuck was that for?"  
"Don't eat this, are you insane?" That was a question Tseng had asked many times before, but he had never asked it over a plate of food that sizzled and dissolved into ash as he ran cool water over it. "Get a fan or something to get the smoke out. It looks like the entire building is burning down." They would be lucky if no one called the fire department over this. He was surprised he wasn't hearing sirens already.

Reno obediently set a fan to blow the smoke out the window faster, a pout on his face as he lamented the loss of his lunch. He went back to the microwave, peering into it. "Damn, that smells…"

"Reno, you'll probably need to replace that. There are just some things a microwave doesn't bounce back from." Tseng washed his hands, shaking his head as he uttered a sentence he never thought he'd say.

"Nah, it's cool. I've got it." Reno grabbed a paper plate and let the room, returning a few moments later with aerosol air freshener. As Tseng watched in confusion, he soaked the plate and tossed it into the microwave, setting it to cook. At the look of horror on Tseng's face Reno smiled, shrugging softly. "I've done this before. This microwave has seen worse."

"Why the hell did you just cook air freshener?" Tseng frowned as the plate was nuked, his confusion palpable.

"Because it circulates the air freshener through the system and chases out the bad smell, duh." Reno rolled his eyes, removing the warm plate and tossing it out. He acted as if he had done the most practical thing in the world by microwaving air freshener.

"Who the hell taught you that?" Tseng had never even heard about the home remedy for a smelly microwave; of course, Tseng had never needed to learn the remedy either.

"I thought it up while drunk. That's a story for another time though." Reno smirked and loaded up another paper plate with chicken nuggets. "Ya mind headin' out, Tseng? I need ta get dressed."

"Not at all." Tseng left, a baffled look on his face. The apartment still smelled terrible and the smoke alarm was going off without pause, but the redhead didn't seem to mind and neither did Trevor. The other tenants of the Shinra owned apartment complex would be throwing a conniption fit within the hour, but Tseng wouldn't have to deal with that.

As he walked back to his own apartment, rejoicing in clean air, he felt a pang of pity for Trevor. As Reno's roommate, the poor iguana had likely smelled far worse than burnt chicken nuggets.

**Author's Note: This is going to be a series of microwave related stories. This one was based off of something my sister did (she literally nuked chicken nuggets for ten minutes. Didn't even notice that the smoke alarms went off or that the house smelled like hell. Just kept on texting and watching cartoons as the world went on around her.)**

**If you've got a funny story you want added to this series, give me a shout out and I'll write it. I've got about two more in mind, but I appreciate any additions!**


End file.
